Sunday Evening

These past two weeks have been a roller coaster for me. I've been struggling with self confidence, and self love within myself. A huge part of that stems from my struggle with math in college. I'm going to get really personal with you guys right now. I'm in my fourth year at community college, which is intended to be completed in two years. Now I know life happens, and that it's common to not complete it in the 2 year span but I didn't think I would still be attending Columbus State, four years later. My first three semesters I was a real slacker, I didn't take that many courses and I didn't take it that seriously. I'm sure I would be done by now if I had been more motivated, or maybe I would still be right where I am now. 

Well in December of 2018 was when I had planned to graduate. I put in my request off from work the day of my graduation day, I had it all planned out. I was excited. I held off on taking math because I figured it's my worst subject so why not take it when I'm almost near the end? I've been taking math since January of 2018, January. I've struggled in every possible way with retaining the information, with understanding, comprehending, just the entire thing as a whole. Failing math for the 3rd time last semester, really broke me. I felt hopeless, pathetic and just sad inside. I couldn't understand how I could struggle so hard with one class. What made it worse was this is it, this is all I need to graduate. You know how hard it to know that your almost at the finish line, but the finish line still seems so far away?

Fast forward to this semester,  I'm taking a math course that solely focuses on me completing my ALEKS pie. If you don't know what ALEKS is I honestly, don't have the time of getting into the logistics of that right now. Let's just say I spend so much time with ALEKS that you would think we were in a relationship. I'm getting off track now, anyway I took the knowledge check and after completion it told me I had retained no topics. Nothing. Nada. I felt like my heart had sunken inside of my chest. I felt the world stop. At that very moment, I lost all hope. All hope in me had been flushed down the drain. Well not completely flushed, because I still made the effort to reach out to my professor on the issue and how I just really needed to pass this course.

We met up and she told me to treat my home environment, and anywhere I work on ALEKS at as a testing center. Don't look back on my notes and try remembering the information on my own. She said that would help me see where I'm truly struggling. A friend of mine suggested I "teach" her math. Which by saying the explanations and things out loud would help me with retaining information. Let me just say they both were very right. I took another knowledge check at my friends and it said I had mastered 22 topics! Which is a serious upgrade from the previous none I had before. I'm taking it day, by day. But I will pass this course, I believe so. I have an amazing support system and a God who I know is there for me every step of the way. This blog is much longer, than any of my others but I wanted you guys to really understand. I can't wait until I'm done with this class, I will keep you updated on my progress throughout future posts. Until next time, my loves.